Abba Macarius was asked, “How should one pray?” The old man said, “There is no need at all to make long discourses; it is enough to stretch out one’s hands and say, ‘Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy.’ And if the conflict grows fiercer, say, ‘Lord, help!’ He knows very well what we need, and he shows us his mercy.”
Yesterday was about Surrender and I took it seriously. I sat with myself pondering all the false support systems I had surrounded myself with to ensure a certain feeling of safety, like I had somehow secured for myself a place where I could feel protected. I suppose prolonged illness brings that fear to the surface. I know where everything is. I know I have my little attachments. My coffee cup handy, etc. I know how to connect with friends or buy stuff via the internet and social media. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? No terrible sins in any of that. But today, in This Saying, I stood accused. I asked God’s Mercy, like the Abba said to do, but realized that I still had not given up “relying on” any of those little attachments, just in case God wasn’t going to answer my prayer today.
Now I’m not saying we can’t have our favorite cup of coffee or any of those other things. What I’m saying is that our mind, when focused on those little things, relying on them, cannot simultaneously be as open and receptive to God. Divided attention weakens the will. It’s that simple.
So Today, I ask myself to try to be aware of how much of my psyche and my emotional self is invested in those things that seem so innocent, but represent far more than what they seem to. It is that level of investment, of reliance upon, that I challenge myself with today. It is of that level of investment that I repent and ask God to show Mercy.
May God Grant Mercy To Us All,
+ a Disciple of Jesus (HHC)