As I recall it was 6 or so years ago when I decided that God and I had quarreled long enough. Well the truth be told it was me that did the yelling, blaming and accusing. Lucky for me He must have a sense of humor…what a sight I must have been!
As time went on I stripped away my old beliefs that I had held to, and with it went all the material props. Now firmly in the fold I was sure He had great plans for me.
Move over Chambers, sit down Spurgeon… I have arrived. Now of course being as humble as my soon-be-stardom required I knew a tad of patience was called for.
Even Alexander put his boots on one at a time. I made plans….and what plans they were Everyone would know me, I would be a well known as jiffy pop. I would rocket to my divinely appointed place. We should be grateful that the best intentions of foolish men are covered in our Lord’s grace.
Road blocks popped up faster than hash & eggs at Rosie’s Diner. Well I suppose a delay here and there can be tolerated. There were health problems, ever changing work hours, bouts of depression and some days of being just too tired of it all to bother getting dressed. I read, I studied, and I prayed – still no sign of my lofty goal.
When we get tired of the outside view, we turn our gaze inward. It did in fact dawn on me that doing my best to live what I believed would be a nice pastime…at least until he chose to reveal to me my true purpose in His Master plan. I lost sight of that mountaintop in the process of learning to walk straight and be obedient. Like the unsteady infant I will topple over…lest He hold my hands. I did “little” things that made me feel good. A donation there, a kind action here. But the heavens did not open, nor the earth shake.
It was a snowy December afternoon. I had gone to a local discount store for some Christmas goodies. There was the typical whirl and rash of shoppers, each on the important missions. Outside there was a lady collecting for the Salvation Army.
She stood by the red pot and rang that annoying bell. Most people seemed to not even see her. I gave her a smile and pocket change and set off for my own very important business. I forget what I bought that day…but her face stayed with me. When I finally got through the checkout and out of that store she got more change and my best smile.
On my way out of the parking lot…on a whim I pulled into the local dunking donuts. Getting two coffees and some bagels I went back to the store and the bell ringer. “Here you must be getting cold” I said to her handing her the coffee and paper bag. “Oh my goodness thank you!” she replied. A look came over her face and a smile that I will never forget. If even I see an angel’s face…it was then. I wished her a merry holiday and drove home in tears. I had been touched by Grace…her smile had opened something in me long closed
I have been blessed by moments like these. I still have my lofty ambitions but perhaps I’m not quite ready yet. So I might as well keep working on this obedience stuff and edging closer to our most gracious Lord.
At least until the Vatican calls……
Hermits of St. Giles