Lately I am beginning to get more frustrated with my situation in life. That is to say, my inability to get out of this bed, walk and be a regular member of society again working and being productive. At times, I feel like God has left me and I have been afflicted with a lot of evil bearing down on me keeping me from being productive. I then start feeling sorry for myself once again, feeling guilty I can’t be out there bringing others to Christ Jesus. Then I hear, “Your way is not My way”, Spirituality is not about being physical it’s about being spiritual. That my mission is to develop a deeper more profound aspect of my being, that is my spiritual side. We are all gifted with this spiritual side. The world, which is physical, wants us to always believe if we are not physically active we are worthless. It is a strong power that continually attracts us. It is forever promoted in our daily media. Ever notice all the many commercials during the day time hours that continually promote finding a career and being productive in society. ITT is the college for you! Come join this motorcycle mechanics school you’ll find a whole new career to become a productive member of society again. Get off your lazy butt and join us. They instill a sense of urgency and guilt. But what if you are disabled and can’t get out of bed anymore. What the heck do you want from me? I’m trying my best. Then you find yourself pleading with God again to cure you, to get you back out there. And then you lay there totally frusrtated again and again. God brings me back again, saying “Mark, it’s not about that anymore it is about being my disciple. This entails a deeper outlook. A deeper way to live. A spiritual existence. Your physical being offers up its struggles now, its sufferings, its frustrations. This is a gift far greater than getting out there and getting a job. There is now more healing energy given than when you were working. You are helping to heal the world from right where you are laying. I call you to live on a spiritual plane now. Here, there is infinite room to grow. This is where I plant your soul. Why must you struggle all the time? Let go, take My hand and follow Me. I will not let you go. I will not send you down the wrong path. Trust in what I have now called you to do” And then I wake up again from this mind journey and feel strong again. Like I just had a profound visit with God and I repeat the words of Christ, “Not my will but Thy will be done.” And I struggle along until the next outburst of cofusion in which I will receive another visit from the Holy Spirit consoling my sorry self. For all my brothers and sisters who are disabled and home bound due to physical illness, fear not! God is with us on this perilous journey. Remain strong and steadfast. God has great plans for us. I don’t know what the heck they might be but I have faith they will be greater than what eye can see, or what ear can hear. Have a most blessed week.
Your little brother in Christ,
Hermits of St. Giles
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